please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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