Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
