just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs