Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow