I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.