Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?