In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
