just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
