Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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