New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
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Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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