Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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