***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i barfeds in our rink
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
