I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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