i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
