So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
