go do what you do best...puke behind churches
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
