I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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