Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
