I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My ass is underappreciated
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
