if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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