i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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