Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
