either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
