I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
