so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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