I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
