Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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