she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i need to put some appletini on your dick
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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