i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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