i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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