how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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