I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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