I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
