I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
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No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
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I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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