i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize