as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
