He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
