dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
