i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
