Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
