kristin has been a bad kristin
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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