Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
