I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize