Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
