my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
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Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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