Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
