I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
