i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
