you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
