If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
