I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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