Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
