i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
