i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
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Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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