I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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