You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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