it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
