Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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