What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
