what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
