I must be too annoying 4 u.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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