Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
